Charon's Vessel

"All souls that die from every nation gather here, as one. Charon's rough crossing awaits those who did not fear the Lord."

Bastardized Vernacular

Okay, why in seven hells have I heard two commercials in the last half hour that have used the word "ginormous?" Is this now an acceptable word in common usage?? Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with using slang. I do it ad nauseum. But I know if I were to use a word like ginormous in a meeting at work, I would probably lose a million respect points among my co-workers and supervisors. Oh well. I suppose that word will soon be in the dictionary along with "wuzup" and "lol." So I'll just have to sit back and accept it...

Metrosexual Chill Factor

This is an update of an old MySpace blog of mine from years ago. I have changed drastically since those days, and my attitude has adjusted accordingly.

I look back on the days when I was capable of simply shrugging off anything, any situation, that most people would be infuriated by, and I wish I still had that ability. Stress, however, tends to add up until it culminates into a generalized sense of irritation capable of turning even the sunniest days into days that you just don't want to get out of bed.

I still hold to the notion that in order to be truly cool, you cannot care about anyone or anything. There should be nothing in your view that feels pressing, or stressful, or daunting, or nerve-wracking. You can never be in a hurry, you can never drive faster than the speed limit, and you never try to save time, because when you're cool, you don't care when or if you ever get to wherever you need to be. Being angry is NOT cool. If you're constantly irritated or infuriated, and you still think you qualify as "cool," I respectfully disagree.

So I now find myself in a position where I am forced to strike a balance. My life has thrown so many curveballs and excruciatingly stressful trials at me in the last four years that there is simply no way to shrug them off anymore. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to compromise my cool factor in my reactions to them. Sadness, anger, irritability, and the mistreatment of others are unacceptable in my mind. I don't care if thermonuclear holocaust is occurring outside my windows on every side of the house. I don't care if it scares me or stresses me. I won't show it. Nobody will know it.

Today, I hold within me stress and sadness that I could not have fathomed in 2006. I have more responsibility and more worries than I could ever have begun to imagine. But it matters not. You will always see me with a smile on my face and a friendly "what's up?" on my lips. If you walk into my office on one of my bad days asking me for help, you're gonna get it, and you'll get it with a smile, even if the sight of you bugs the hell out of me inside. A modern metrosexual male such as myself knows the value of a pleasant demeanor, regardless of how fake it may be.

If you have a chance, read the greatest book ever written, shown above. Even women can learn from it, and maybe you'll start to sort of understand that men, especially men like me, are more complicated than you might have thought. Enjoy!

PRINCE CHARMING IS DEAD... OR GAY.

So I’ve been on this online dating site for several months now. For the most part, I haven’t run into any psychos or major pervs like a lot of the women on there deal with. I have no complaints about anybody I have met on there (there have not been many, by the way. But I do have issues with many of the women’ s profiles that I come across on there.

Nearly every woman on there has a profile headline that says something like, “Looking for an Honest Man,” “Looking for a Good Hearted Man,” “How Many Frogs do I have to Kiss?,” “Looking for my Best Friend,” “Where are all the Good Guys at?,” and “ Tired of the Games.”

All of these women seem to imply that somehow every nasty, dishonest, selfish, horrible man in the world has somehow gravitated toward them, disguised as the man of their dreams and been able to trick them into falling madly in love with him. Then as part of his diabolical masterstroke, waited until just the right moment to screw them over. How tragic.

Let me clue you in on something. You’re getting all the bad ones because YOU allow them to get with you. I can assure you, whether you realize it or not, you’re shooting down ten nice, caring men for every douche bag you “fall in love” with. Because you don’t really mean that you’re looking for an “honest,” “good hearted,” or “caring” man. What you really mean is that you want an honest, good hearted, caring man, who ALSO, is good looking, not fat, makes good money, doesn’t live with his parents, listens to the same music as you, will send you flowers on a daily basis, will make you breakfast in bed every morning, likes the same pets as you, has a nice car, etc, etc. Well your “prince charming” simply does not exist. Do you understand me? Even if he did exist, what makes you think you deserve him?

When you meet somebody, and subsequently fall in love with him. You have to take the good with the bad. Stop thinking that your relationship will be the same fairytale tomorrow as it seems to be today. Such naivety will only lead to massive heartbreak in the end.

When I was married, I loved my wife very much. I can remember thinking that I wanted to marry her after being with her for only about a week. I was so excited about the idea of spending my life with her and her daughters, and in my eyes, I could see no wrong in her.As our marriage progressed, even in the first month or two, I started to notice things that I didn’t like about her, things that annoyed me, and yes, even things that grossed me out. But at the end of the day, despite all of her faults, when we laid down to go to sleep at night, and I could smell the coconut shampoo in her hair and the cherry blossom lotion on her face, all I could think about was how the bad things and the imperfections are what made me love her even more. There were times that she made me very angry. There were times, especially toward the end, that I didn’t trust her. But none of those things were ever able to change the fact that I loved her.

Even today, after all she has put me and my family through, and despite the hatred for her that burns in my heart, keeping me up every night, there is still a part of me that loves her. As difficult as that is for me to say, I simply don’t believe that love is something that can be turned on and off. You either love somebody forever, or you never loved him or her at all.

So listen ladies, stop looking for Prince Charming. Because even if you do meet him, you’re eventually going to realize that he wakes up with bad breath, he shaves his back, sometimes has uncontrollable gas, and contains within his personality a million different things that will annoy the hell out of you.

Stop looking for a fairytale, and start looking for a man that loves you.